baby #6

ANNOUNCING the arrival into the outerbelly world of our newest baby boy, lovingly supported by the hands of his father, grandmother, and aunt at 3:12pm on April 2nd 2012. Our biggest weighing in at 9lb 4oz, 23in long! (our smallest was 7lb 4oz, 17in) lots of dark hair, gray wait-and-see eyes, and the longest eyelashes I have ever seen, he nurses like a pro and spends hours every day studying the world with his big round eyes... I could go on & on, he is just perfect.

1 week old

 no name yet- it never takes more than 3 months :P
I guess you'd say it was unassisted, but it didn't feel that way, my mom, sister, sister-in-law, and husband were all there.

-it was a hard labor, because of emotional issues, I just couldn't open up... got a blessing when I was pushing and was able to open, out he came absolutely perfect, with me intact... I felt like the baby and I were very connected all through labor & after he came out- we were feeling the same things, it was hard for him but he knew I was doing it with him, we weren’t alone.

... -I started to hemorrhage, had some herbs on hand for it and quickly got it under control.

-placenta didn't come, but pain did... it got worse, when it got to be too much we transferred to the hospital for some help. (about 2 hours)

-at hospital we got the help we needed but it was traumatic... the Demerol was nice and so were the 3 IV bags.

-stayed 24 hours, listened to the poor lady in the next room give birth, she screamed and screamed, she was full of fear she would yell "HELP ME" like she was being killed, when the baby came it screamed in the same way it's mom did... and they were both screaming together, and she was still yelling "HELP ME"... when I said something to my nurse she just smiled and acted like it was perfectly normal? when the Demerol wore off I was in pain again :(

-after I got home every thing "seemed" fine, but that night I was hit from left field by umm, secondary trauma induced shock? my body started shutting down and I couldn't hardly move or think, after it first happened I prayed and prayed, my mind filled with hymns trying to drown out the mental shutdown. the family rallied round and helped pull me back but recovery has been painful and long. I'm starting to feel more normal now the last few days, I've even started carrying the baby :)

I think this is as close as I can come to facing a birth story...

Stand Up For Freedom

This is a complete (long) recording of Ezra Taft Benson in 1966 and is as relevant as the morning paper (or blog)

"I think it is time for every patriotic American to join with neighbors to study the Constitution and the Conspiracy. Subscribe to several good patriotic magazines such as AMERICAN OPINION. Buy a few basic books, such as MASTERS OF DECIET and A STUDY OF COMMUNISM by J. Edgar Hoover; THE NAKED COMMUNIST by Cleon Skousen, recommended by President David O. McKay, in the General Conference of the Church, October 1959; YOU CAN TRUST THE COMMUNISTS by Dr. Fred Schwartz, and so on. And then prepare to do some independent thinking. And remember that the organized who have a plan and are dedicated though they be few, will always defeat the many who are not organized and who lack plans and dedication. The communists know this and have proven it. Isn’t it about time that most Americans realize it too?

In conclusion may I say that one of our most serious problems is the inferiority complex which people feel when they are not informed and unorganized. They dare not make a decision on these vital issues. They let other people think for them. They stumble around in the middle of the road trying to avoid being “controversial” and get hit by traffic going both ways.

To the patriots I say this: Take that long eternal look. Stand up for freedom no matter what the cost.
It can help to save your soul – and maybe your country."

{Ezra Taft Benson. Stand Up For Freedom. Assembly Hall at Temple Square, Feb 11, 1966. Given to The Utah Forum for the American Idea}

More than I am

this morning I woke up singing it's your love
20 pounds of baby nursing, her fat little leg kicking in the air... my hands speckled with pink, turquoise, purple, orange, dye from Easter eggs that won't wash off... looking forward to a good day hoping to get to some yard work, I feel so good working out in the fresh air...


this song brings two feelings with it when ever it comes to visit my mind, 1. how I wish my husband felt this way about me, and 2. how (not wanting to come off all Christian n'everything, but) I feel that Christ has done this for me...



"...Better than I was, more than I am
And all of this happened by taking your hand
And who I am now is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together,
I'm stronger than ever
I'm happy and free..."

"...Oh it's a beautiful thing,
Don't think I can keep it all in
If you asked me why I've changed,
All I gotta do is say your sweet name..."


"It's your love"

The Amazing Phil!

This is an amazing drawing my five year old, Phil, did this January. We submitted it to The Friend for publication, but they are obviously daft & blind because it has not been printed.





Philip used his picture when he gave this talk he wrote (with a little help) on February 14, 2010.

Jesus I love you because I am staying with you Jesus.
I drew something for you, here, I drew Jesus.

Jesus smiled at me.

Heavenly Father is your best friend.

We have a book about Jesus.

I can read all the books.

I can sing songs about Jesus.

I have a mommy.

I love mommy, I love Jesus, and I love daddy.

I have a family, I have kids and more kids.

Jesus' loves me and my family.

Jesus loves everybody.

... are you down, down, down? ... Pick Yourself UP

As a youth and young mother I suffered with depression off and on for years. In dealing with it for so long I've learned to recognize it as it comes and the things that compound it into a big problem. There are, for me, two things that I can change that help/hurt me. I'm not going to talk about the things that I cannot change because when I focus on those things (ie. money, things that just happen, what other people do, or how they treat me) it only gets worse.

1. FOOD, what I eat. Am I eating foods that good for me? Most importantly, greens and the right types of oil.
2. SIN, you can't be happy doing things you know are wrong... for me it is mostly sins of omission, what am I not doing? prayers, reading scriptures, being loving to my family, serving others, or maybe I'm being lazy, wasting the time or talents given me by the Lord. Spending my time on the internet instead of on my children.
The problem is that I don't feel like changing those things. When I'm feeling sorry for myself I want to be lazy and eat junk...

Often I give myself a day to mope, then force myself to do better.
As an example earlier this week, Sunday, I was feeling really bad about my life, something my loving thoughtless husband had said. I could feel it coming on so Monday I was sure to drink my green drink (I highly recommend it for emergency like this) and set a goal to better myself, in this case it is to read the Book of Mormon and all of last conference before this next coming one (32 days). Now before you think I am a super hero let me just say that I will not really be reading it, but I will be listening to it online.

I'll track my progress here:
March 1st First book Nephi chapters 1-9
2nd chapters 10-16
3rd chapters 17- 22
4th Second Nephi chapters 1-8
5th chapters 9-17
6th went to Monterey :)
7th chapters 18-33
8th bad day, bad day...
9th Jacob, Enos, Jerom, Omni
10th-15th lost track :p
16th started Alma chapter 10
50% done woohoo :D
18th started my day with "O that I were an angel" Alma chapter 29, my heart almost sings with this chapter...
23rd started the Book of Helaman
30th 90% done
31st started Ether, right on track :)

All About Our New Baby's Birth

Sorry, it's taken me so long to update you guys, but I have been busy ;)
She was born Aug.19, 2009
1:55 am
8 lb 6oz
20in long
head 13 ½in
We got home from Madelyn’s birthday party at ten. Rudy rubbed some “Labor Balm” that Renee had given us on my tummy before bed.

I fell asleep, not sure for how long. I was up & down to the bathroom. I knew I was in labor, but thought we might not need to call the midwives till morning. Most of the contractions were pretty intense, but not all. I was feeling really tired and was wishing for some sleep instead of laboring all night, after a particularly hard bathroom trip I laid down and told myself I was just going to go to sleep then finish when I woke up the next morning, over and over… I started to believe it as I laid there with no contraction for about 5 minutes (the longest I had gone for awhile) then a monster of a contraction hit me, I was unprepared and not in a good position, after that I tried to get up but another one hit as I started to move, then another when I tried again but this time there was fluid dripping down my leg so I made myself get to the bathroom. I figured the baby had kicked my bladder during that contraction and didn't think much of it. Had a few more strong contractions and in the bathroom cleaned myself up. I had turned the light on this time so when I came back to bed Rudy asked if everything was OK? I said it was fine I had just peed the bed a little. I’m not sure if I ever made it back to bed. After a few more major contractions I started to feel like I needed to throw-up, then I couldn't stop shaking. I thought this feels like transition, but it couldn't be not so soon… plus with my first I had signs of being in transition but an hour later when I had gotten to the hospital I was only at 5 cm.

Rudy came into the bathroom to check on me. He asked how I was, I asked him to get me something to throw-up into. I could tell by the look on his face, he was thinking *All right, we’re going to have a baby!* We were both thinking we would call the midwives in the morning.

The contractions were quite overwhelming, I knew I needed to get them under control if I was going to do this for another 10 to 24 hours. I asked Rudy to start the shower, thinking the warm water would help. When I got in the shower the contraction were coming so fast that I barely had time to turn around in the shower before the next one would hit. After a little bit I thought we should call the midwives… but I was too distracted whenever Rudy came in the bathroom to tell him. I didn't know it at the time but he was on the computer trying to find a page I had pulled up for him a few days before a "dad's cheat sheet" for recognizing different stages of labor and what to do in them.

At one point in the shower it was like I could feel each drop of water hitting my back, it did not feel good. I turned off the water. With the next contraction I went down into more of a squat and (UHHH) felt myself start to push. Rudy came in, I told him he might want to call the midwives. I told him where to find the number. (1:50 am) I heard him talking to Jen (our midwife). I felt my water break, and said “My water just broke!” I don’t think anyone heard me. I could feel a lot of presser. Jen could hear me in the background and told Rudy to get ready to have a baby because it didn't sound like they were going to make it, they live more than an hour away. Rudy hung up the phone and turned his attention toward me. I told him the head was coming I don’t think he believed me, or I don’t think he had really come to grips with what was happening. After the next push I asked if the head was out, Rudy looked and was surprised to see that it was. I flipped over and went in to a reclining sitting position. I checked for the cord, but I couldn't tell. Rudy reached down like he was going to check, I told him to Get His Big Man Hands Away From Me!! I pushed for the next two contractions but nothing happened, her head was turning blue I was going over my different options in my head; I decided hands & knees were my best bet. As I was going to flip over she started kicking within me bringing on contractions too strong for me to move through, I tried again so did she. I think she was scared. I finally succeeded in flipping over. I told Rudy to pull, he did so gently, I pushed and out she came. Her little body flopped into the tub all limp and blue. I sat down and scooped her up. She wasn't breathing. I gently sucked out her mouth/nose. I rubbed her thickly vernix covered back. She made little congested baby noises. But still looked blue to me, then I noticed her body was pinking up, now it was just her face and head that were blue. She was bruised from her fast entry and her head being out had broken many of the blood vessels in her face. I offered her my breast and she suckled some.

Noah (my 2yo) had been awoken by all the commotion and came in as I was getting on my hands & knees, so he got to see the baby come out. I told Rudy to call the midwives back, (1:58 am) Jen was in her driveway. Then Rudy woke up the kids, they were very excited. Within half an hour I had passed the placenta into a bowl and went to lie down in bed. After I was in bed I realized that we hadn't actually checked to see that she was a girl... so I let the kids check, and what do ya know, mom was right! It's a girl!

The midwives got there a little after 3 am. When they checked me they found I had torn, they offered me a stitch I said that's OK, no need. They checked out my baby and found her to be perfect.

7th log

The baby woke up this morning with a bit of a cough, and some stuffiness. It has slowly gotten worse all day till now I can hear and feel him breath as he lays next to me. One day, just one day, and I am worried. Last time he was sick for about 6 weeks. Sometimes I think it is just to much. What do I need to do? Vitamin C, garlic, herbs, no sugar, I'm all ready off milk...

3rd log

Today we did a good deal of school, as we do every morning. Now I will clean my fingers to the bone, for this weekend our home will be advertised in the Stockton Record so hopefully we will get a lot of interest. Rudy has been a little depressed because the cabin he wanted to buy in Springville, UT. is "under contract" it was very nice, but I believe the Lord is directing us, and has prepared something for us, whatever it might be.